barbara walters just said penis...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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