he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
