If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize