Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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