my mouth tastes like poor choices
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
