who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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