____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
