He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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