bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
