do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
