I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
