did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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