I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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