I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
