either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
