Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize