fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
