Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
