I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize