I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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