I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You're completely useless in the revolution.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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