it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
