I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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