last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
