No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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