I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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