I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
