I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
