My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
