Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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