Sponge bath it is.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize