I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
