Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
