I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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