I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize