The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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