I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize