I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
