I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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