apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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