happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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