he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
