What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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