u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
