my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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