something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
