It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
