We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize