Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
