the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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