We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
