I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
