New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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