I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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