Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
