it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
