Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
