bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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