I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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