I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
