Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
