I bet he comes in French.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
