This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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