I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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