i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
