I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
