I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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