miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
