We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
