I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
