Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
