Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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