i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
