go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You ruined the universe
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
